Current mood:	pissed off
Current music:	Depeche Mode- Everything Counts

"The grabbing hands grab all they can, all for themselves after all."
What a fucking crazy weekend. God, I feel like I don't write enough in here now that I have internet. Ergh. Before I get to that... update!

-Work is crazy. It was really hellish while Mary was on vacation. Now it's kinda better. Melissa the uba-baish is getting transfered soon so she can perform her evil on some other poor Pittsburgh store. We're getting some new-ish people in. I'm kinda scared. Been thinking a lot about switching stores to somewhere A)closer to where I live and B)that's open more hours so I can work a morning AND a mid shift and be promoted to shift manager. Everyone says it's not that great and not even a huge pay raise, but I like doing the money stuff and the managing stuff and being in charge, so I think it's for me. Either that or I might try (after the holidays) getting some type of data entry/proofreading job and working at Starbucks only one or two days a week. Maybe at some college around here. And then I could take classes too. I really miss school.

-Theatre was over for a while, but now I have The Rocky Horror Show, which is less than expected. I only started coming a few days before it opened, and I was less than impressed with it. But it's gotten much better in a few short days, and it's grown on me. It's not the normal Rocky we all know. A director's vision. Kinda weird, but enjoyable anyway. The problem is that shit keeps going wrong. And this company is less than professional. They're all pretty nice, but the director (who also runs the company) expects too much for the lack-of-budget they have and the short time they gave the tech ppl to perfect everything. We only had ONE full tech run. If that means nothing to you, we usually have FOUR. Not ready to open. Blah. And literally the next weekend after this show closes I have tech for the one acts at Carlow. I'm directing two of them. And then before that closes we'll have auditions for the alumni show, Much Ado About Nothing. So I'm booked until Christmas. BLEH. Oh yeah, and Summer Company picnic was last weekend. Good times. Had fun.

-Crafts are kinda not going right now. I really need to step up and work on them. I have a sale less than two weeks away and one a week after that one. I'm trying to get some Halloween stuff together for it. I have stuff from last year that should help. I just think I'm working on the wrong things. I did sell a light switch plate on etsy last week. I was really excited about that.

-Writing is okay. I did that poetry reading called Poetsburgh last weekend. It was good, but not very well attended. I wrote a couple new things lately, and submitted to a couple places. My submission to Future Ten was rejected, but I was sure that was gonna happen. It really wasn't that great. I wrote it so quickly. There wasn't anything clever about it. Oh well. Next time.

So now that I've covered the four basic topics of my life, this weekend. As I mentioned, my show opened Friday. EPIC FAIL! So many things went wrong. And the fucking critic was there. So look for a review that sucks. The show really is pretty good when it all comes together. Then I went to Lava Lounge where it was packed with idiots. And Suzanne and Shannon show up at... 1AM. Guys, really? What's the point in coming at that point? I did have a good time there, though. And after, Jess and Mike went to Eat N Park with me. Good times. I got the Midnight Breakfast Bar.

Yesterday was like a blur. I slept in then went to the store then watched DVDs then went to the show. Michelle, Maria and Max came to see it. It went better than Friday, but still not where we want it. P.S.- I think the Frank in this production is kinda crappy (not the actor, the character they made him), but I still am strangely attracted to the guy. I guess the overall aura of FRANK is greater than any amount of suck they can put into him. *Sigh* So, then we went out to Uno's and had a bite to eat. Good times again. But I still feel like I did nothing all weekend.

Today started out good until I went shopping for something to wear to Althea's wedding. BLAH. I hate shopping for clothes. Period. And me and Maria got into a huge fight over basically nothing. I hate that nothing fits me or what does I still don't think looks good on me. I am gonna loose some damn weight before Jess' wedding if it kills me. So pretty much, I left the mall with nothing. I was pissed off, she was pissed off. And then we fought some more. So I went to ENP with Angela. It was really helpful to talk to someone about it. I feel better now, but it still sucks because it was really crappy for all day and just ruined the day for me. So weekend was basically useless.

I decided while at ENP that I'm too damn lazy. I mean, it's nothing I had to decide. I've always known it. But really. I have so much shit to do around here, and so much time when I could be doing things, but I don't feel like it. I know why. I get home from a shitty day at work and don't feel like using my few free hours between that and theatre to clean and write. But I need to just suck it up and do it. Or else I will end up unhappy and angry at myself. I want to be happy, successful and have a sense of accomplishment as often as possible. I feel like I have so much potential to DO and MAKE and BE and I end up just sleeping through it or laying around watching movies. Damn it. Frankie (of Rocky fame) says, DON'T DREAM IT, BE IT. I need to listen to him!!! JUST DO IT!

And with that, I'm going to go to bed early (10:37PM), and wake up RESTED for once, and come home from work and DO SOMETHING besides sit. DAMMIT. I'm falling asleep to Muppets' Treasure Island, and hopefully I'll dream of Tim Curry and have a wonderful day tomorrow. Send me your good wishes. I'm sick of being sick of everything!!! As Ben Stiller said in Meet the Parents, "I just wanna do what I wanna do!" Probably the best thing to ever come out of his mouth. Seriously.

Good night, Cruel World, and fuck you too. I'm getting what I want from you starting tomorrow.